One of the reasons so many of my clients feel absolutely desperate about finding a MAN is that they are terrified of accessing their own power. In fact, they're not even sure that they have any power. So, there's an unspoken belief that they have to get all of their love and support from someone else.
Most of us think that we do have an idea of what self-love is, and many times women confuse self-love with self-respect. How is self-love different? It has a warm and nourishing quality of being happy to give yourself what you need, and to back away from situations that drain you without refilling you in any significant way.
Because of being overly invested and involved in the lives of loved ones, it can be difficult to turn that same focus and caring toward ourselves. Most women tell me it feels selfish to do so. And, of course, they feel that selfishness is bad. (Another topic for another blog post!)
By contrast, self-respect can be a cold comfort, and more of a self-protective defense mechanism than a quality that nurtures us.
So many midlife divorcees don't believe that they really have any power or magnetism inside themselves. They feel that the only way to feel desirable and deserving is to receive attention from someone else instead of from themselves. When women look for this kind of attention from the wrong kind of man, they open themselves up to being hurt all over again -- before they've even begun to fully heal from divorce.
But, it's not wrong to reach out to get your needs met, and a baby step toward doing that in a safe way can be to make friends with healing plants.
Before you laugh and shake your head, I invite you to give this a try. It's wonderful.
Finding out which plants have a special relationship to you
Plants have healing life force energy, and it's fun (and comforting) to experience various herbs to see which ones call you closer, and seem to want to have a relationship with you. Just as you may have a favorite flower that makes you feel happy every time you encounter it, certain aromatic herbs can also have a profoundly healing effect on you.
Now is a wonderful time to visit a garden center and make friends with all of the varieties of herbs you can get to know. Smell, gently touch, and see which ones draw you in. Take a few home and, if this doesn't sound too far out to you, meditate with them and ask them to be your allies in the healing of your heart and spirit. You can also look into their history and find out what healing and metaphysical uses these plants may have had for hundreds (or thousands) of years.
I bet you may already have a few favorite plants that you have loved since childhood. For me, special plants that have called out to me over and over again in my life include lavender, rosemary, basil, lilacs, violets, lily of the valley, and sunflowers.
Beloved plants give so much: You can enjoy the beauty of having them grow in or outside your home, you can enjoy many of them in cooking and they assist your mood and strengthen your spirit at the same time. Using them in essential oil form can keep them with you, supporting you, throughout the day and night. You can turn to them when you need more energy, when you want to lift your mood, and even when you need a transformation from deep sorrow to the joy of simply being alive.
Not sure which plants are your special ones? You'll find out when you take that drive to your nearest garden center and see which herbs draw you in. The ones that appeal to you most have something special to share with you -- they have just what you need most.
Here's something fun to do:
- Go to a garden center that will have many varieties of herbs on offer.
- Look, sniff, and gently touch.
- After touching, sniff your hands.
- Which herbs give you a special feeling of attraction (by the way they look, their scent, or just something you can't quite explain)?
- Choose one or two that you like especially well and take them home with you.
- Search online for the medicinal uses of these plants. You'll probably be astounded to find that they are offering to you exactly what you need right now.
- Meditate with the plant, and ask its advice on areas of concern right now. Sit quietly and see what comes into your mind. Do you receive an inspiration that helps you?
Let the plant queendom support you while you're sorting out the wayward humans in your life. Enjoy their calming and supporting influence.
Let me know if you try this!