Friday, January 16, 2015

Hello I Must Be Going (divorce upper-middle-class style)

On one hand the 2012 film Hello I Must Be Going gives us the story of an extremely pampered 35-year-old, who has the privilege of holing up with her upper-middle-class parents while the terms of her divorce are negotiated -- or dictated -- by her entertainment-lawyer husband.

On the other hand, much of what's in this film applies to any woman who has lost her self-confidence during marriage (or, as portrayed by the divorcée in this film, never had any sense of her own self to begin with).

I hear, all the time, from my clients about the inappropriate post-divorce hookups and quasi-relationships that they allow themselves to get into.  If this has happened to you, or keeps happening, watching this movie will make you feel better, I think.  (And, getting some perspective about how you can put the brakes on behaviors that hurt you before things get out of control isn't a bad idea, either.  You can schedule a free virtual coffee date with me to talk things over here.)

Maybe part of the reason that women drift into bad places in all areas of their life during and after divorce is that, like Amy, the protagonist in Hello I Must Be Going, their experiences, so far, have been mostly about fitting in to a life that was set into motion for them by others. 

You thought the life you had was what you should have wanted, but you had to leave so much of yourself behind in order to live according to expectations.  It seemed easier just to drift.  And, in fact, it was comfortable enough that you might have stayed there forever, if it hadn't blown up spectacularly on you overnight.

This film is all about those kinds of expectations.  For both the younger generation (Amy) and the older generation (her mother, Ruth).

Hello I Must Be Going free viewing on youtube is here (picture not perfect, but free), or for rent on youtube ($2.99) here.

Don't miss these scenes:
  • After watching our heroine spend the first two-thirds of the film in shell-shocked, self-destructive behavior, at about 1 hour and 10 minutes into the film, Amy's mother finally lets her have it, and we are able to see why the mother had seemed so cutting and judgmental of Amy earlier in the film.
  • At about 1 hour and 16 minutes, see how Amy finally wakes up and smells the coffee during her meeting with the soon-to-be ex.  Check out how she has so obviously put herself in the one-down position in her marriage.  And, keep watching to see how she finally takes control, without anger or malice.
Further fascinating twists and turns in the film's last ten minutes . . .


Bonus material:  Check out the interesting interview with Todd Louiso and Sarah Koskoff, the husband-and-wife team who created all this.  Highly recommended!

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