Friday, January 30, 2015

dealing with the breakdown before the breakthrough

There's one thing I can almost count on when working with new clients.  It's the breakdown before the breakthrough.

Please don't worry.  It's not the clients who break down!  It's that just as they start making exciting changes in their lives and start feeling hopeful and wonderful, things outside their control start going wrong.

Now, really, these things would be going wrong anyway, but my clients wouldn't have noticed this because they'd still be moving in the same direction as everything that was getting in their way.

But, now that she's discovering who she is, what she wants, and getting excited about life, there can be a big contrast between the path she's creating and where everything else seems to be. 

Suddenly, the car needs repairs, a parent starts getting noisy and nosy ("concerned"), children start having emotional issues ("don't have a life, just keep serving my needs"), and there can even be unexpected stresses at work, which my client wouldn't have noticed as anything different, if she were just slogging through her old reality.

The unspoken (okay, sometimes loudly spoken) message from family and friends, or even inanimate objects in her life is:  Stop it.  Stop it right this instant, and start being the person you used to be.  
The person who cleaned up after us, who sacrificed herself to keep the disfunctional family status quo humming along, the person who did all kinds of unpaid and unacknowledged services at work . . . .  You get the idea.  Maybe you've experienced this.

Before feeling like crying and deciding that there's no use in even trying to live out your dreams, please believe me that there's a reason for sayings like "It's always darkest before the dawn."

Keep moving in the direction of your dreams.  Really.

Do you really want to give in to the pressure and keep living the kind of life you've had so far?  Is grey really the color you want the rest of your life to be?

What's happening right now is just the breakdown before the breakthrough.  It doesn't last long unless you let it.  While some near and dear people may never be on your side, if you stay on course, the people who truly care about you will come to accept the changes.  In fact, a year from now, they'll probably say that they were the ones who gave you the new ideas in the first place!

You may have to reduce contact and involvement with the naysayers, and yes, your parents or a beloved relative may be among the people who keep insisting that you "change back."  It's okay.  You're not in charge of what other people want from you.  But, you can change your expectations of what you want and expect from them. 

Stop expecting them to be supportive.  Yes, I know this is tough, but very, very often, the people you believed would most be on your side are the ones who aren't.  And the kindnesses of near strangers are what carry you on.  So, reach out to people who will become your chosen family (if not your family by birth).

If you're going through a crisis of breakdown before the breakthrough, here are a couple of meditations I like to recommend.  Both are less than six minutes in length, so you can listen to them even during a bathroom break at work : ) .  Sometimes we don't have 10 or 20 minutes for a healing moment!

To calm yourself in times of anxiety and panic: 



And to connect to your higher self for guidance:


If you try these, will you comment and let me know what you think?

I'm sending you love as you hang in there and remain true to what you most desire -- in balance with your current responsibilities and those you love.

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