Friday, November 7, 2014

25 little luxuries: why every divorcee needs this list

One of the things I often like to work on with my Dynamic Divorcee clients is getting them to remember the things they used to love and enjoy before marriage, and priming the pump so that a flow of desires can start to burst forth.

These desires are the things a happy life is made of.  Yet, it has been years (and sometimes decades) since many of my clients have dared to dream and desire.  Does that sound like you?

If so, I think you'll like today's challenge.  It's your 25 Little Luxuries List, and it's all about those little things in life that make it fun to wake up in the morning.

But, first, you have to get a handle on what constitutes a luxury, to you.

For some women, a pretty teacup would be a luxury to have and enjoy.  It would make them feel indulged every morning.  Other women would scratch their heads at this -- they already own several sets of beautiful bone china, and don't think twice about what conveys their cup of coffee to their lips.

For some, just an hour to themselves to sit still, look out a window, and daydream would be an amazing luxury that they hardly ever allow themselves.

For others, it would be a massage or a manicure:  a huge luxury in which they, perhaps, have never indulged.

How about permission to take 30 minutes to pop in a yoga DVD?  Luxury, or not?

Maybe a luxury for you would be taking a walk in an indoor conservatory and breathing in the lovely aroma of the plant life and humid air.  Maybe it would be giving yourself a few hours with friends when your life is perpetually busy with obligations to work and children.  Maybe you just want to go out to the movie you want to see rather than compromising on the film with a friend or your kids.  And you want to go out to the movies, rather than renting it online.

So, for this list, you're looking for those tiny, little luxuries that are just at the edges of your comfort zone, but that would not be so much of a leap that you feel guilty about daring to enjoy them.

Let's start nice and easy, and once you become accustomed to enjoying items from your list, you can push the envelope to include more daring luxury items.  (Won't that be fun!)

Let's do it!
Grab a piece of paper or get to your keyboard.  Set the timer on your phone to two minutes, and write without thinking or editing whatever little luxuries and desires come out of your fingers.  Some wild and crazy desires may come out -- write them down, too.  When your timer dings, you can either stop or continue, if you're on a roll.

Before bed today, you'll set your timer for two minutes again and continue.  You'll keep doing the process a few times, if necessary, until you have a list of at least 25 little luxuries that are within your budget and you can totally see yourself doing.

Before you put your list aside, make sure that you have at least 10 items on the list that can be done at home, without having to make any special arrangements or do any appointment-making or scheduling.  If you don't have at least ten stay-at-home items, set your timer again, and start adding some additional delicious-to-you items for your list.

So . . . what do you do with this list?  Start by giving yourself one of your items/activities every time you want to reward yourself.  Did you make yourself proud today by communicating with your ex without letting him push your buttons?  Reward yourself.  Having trouble pushing through to accomplish that irksome home project?  Motivate yourself with a reward when you finish.

A big, big part of feeling great again is reclaiming the beauty and magnificence of who you are, and you can't do that from a place of self-deprivation, where every day takes on a grey sameness.  Bring back the color.  Bring back the light.  Make your list!

I'd love to hear what's on your personal luxuries list.  Please share your top five and how the process works for you.

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