Friday, November 28, 2014

Today is the day! The Holiday Blues-Busting Challenge is live!

Just a brief note to let everyone know that, as of today, registration is open for The Dynamic Divorcee Holiday Blues-Busting Challenge.

Read all about it here.

You will be amazed at the amount of support that you receive at a really crazy low price (so that everyone can afford to join us).

I'm so excited to be able to work with a small group of women as we recreate our lives exactly as we want them to be -- and this is the best time of year for a wonderful transformation!

See you here.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Here's how to turn the blues into a blueprint.

It's almost time to unveil The Dynamic Divorcee 30-Day Holiday Blues Busting Challenge.  That's a mouthful!

In this blog, I talk about the part of the program that has been the most intriguing to everyone:  How to turn the blues into a blueprint for the new year.

It doesn't require any special equipment; just some paper and a pen -- as I'll show you here:


What you can expect if you complete the 30 days:

  • You can expect to have fun during the holiday season and minimize the sadness, regret, shame, and guilt.
  • You can expect to find out more about yourself than you have ever known before -- and it's all good!
  • You can expect to try as many new things as you feel like exploring, and create some new traditions along the way.
  • You can expect to reconnect with people who make you feel good, and meet a few new people to add to your circle in the new year.
  • You can expect to learn ways to care for yourself, with love, as never before.
  • You can expect to find ways to enjoy the pleasure of your own company, and no longer fear times of being on your own.
  • And, you can expect to finish the Challenge, with a fun and totally doable life plan for the new year, choosing areas where you want to see positive change in your life and then conducting mini-experiments to find out the quickest and most painless ways to your goals.
  • Yes, you can have all of the above!  I know, because I have done it, and now I want to share it with you.
30-Day Challenge goes live on Black Friday
I've put together a little gift for you here -- and it outlines the 5 steps we'll be having fun with in the challenge.

And you can learn more about The Dynamic Divorcee 30-Day Holiday Blues-Busting Challenge when we open enrollment on Black Friday, Nov. 28.

But, for now, we just want to say that it's a guided program with lots of support that includes a 40-page ebook program guide, five 20-minute audio guided lessons with fun exercises to help you open up to self-nurturing as well as learning to identify and reach out only to those who make you feel good.  And you'll learn to minimize the impact of those who don't!

The whole process is kept as simple (deceptively simple) as possible.  This is not psychoanalysis.  You will not be delving into painful memories.  You will not be reliving experiences that you would prefer to forget.

And, we keep adding fun extras to the program, like a private facebook group, an interactive Pinterest board, and we still have a couple of unannounced special gifts up our sleeves.  And something really special for the first ten women to join the Challenge.

People keep wondering what the program will cost.  The answer is waaaay under $100, and the sooner you decide to join, the more affordable the experience will be!

In the meantime, before we roll everything out on Friday, please get your 5 Surprising Blues Cures here

Have a question or comment?  Let me know below.  And, see you on Black Friday!

Monday, November 24, 2014

Want to know your #1 response to our holiday blues survey?


Big thanks to everyone who has contributed responses to our Post-Divorce Holiday Blues-Busting Survey.

I thought you might like to know what women are most interested in when it comes to support over the holiday season.

I really love the way it's turning out -- because, based on your responses, you are very willing to learn to take time out for yourselves and are enthusiastic about using time this season to plan for a happier 2015!

So far, every single respondent to our survey wants:
1) a step-by-step process to help them use the holiday season to come up with a plan to totally transform their 2015.  Or, as I like to say, to "turn the blues into a blueprint."

Then, two desires tied for second place:
2)  strategies to deal with loneliness during the season and to learn ways to nurture themselves this time of year instead of being overcome by stress and others' expectations.

By the way, if you'd still like to respond, there's time to add your opinions to the mix.  Here's the survey, and I'd love to hear from you.  I'm personally reading every response.

So, how do you turn the blues into a blueprint, anyway?
The blueprint comes as the last step in our 5 *Very* Surprising Cures for the Post-Divorce Holiday Blues, and here's why.  The whole 5-step process takes you through a journey of honoring yourself, and experiencing what it's like to put yourself first so that you can give out of your own abundance and not out of your own exhaustion and sadness.

You might have noticed that giving what you don't have to give never quite works as well as you'd like it to.  Well, let's be honest.  It never really works at all.

Maybe you've already been living your entire life that way, but now the warning lights are flashing and sirens are going off because -- after having gone through the entire divorce process, and having lost so much of everything that meant most to you -- it feels impossible to keep putting a good face on it, and sacrificing even more heavily than you've done before.

So, the blueprint is the fourth of the five steps in my program.  You do it after you've taken specific (and fun) steps to remember who you are (or who you always meant to be), see exactly how you can scale back and remake the holiday season in a way that's fun for you, and even give yourself gifts (don't worry, you get to stay within your budget!).

I want you to have so much fun before you sit down to create your blueprint -- using nothing more than a journal, a pen, and maybe some fun art supplies.  The blueprint is fun, not work.  It's not about scheduling, outlines, flow charts . . . .    In other words, it bears no resemblance to the drudgery you usually do every day.

It's all about dreaming your life, the way you want it to be.  Not just where you want to be in your work, family, and financial lives, but how you want to feel every day.  Realizing that how you feel is the key to what makes life beautiful.  And, it's the key to what will allow your life to change in the ways you want it to.

Click here for more about how to work all 5 steps.
Want to know more about all 5 steps?
I've put together a little gift that outlines the program I used myself last year (and that many of my clients used, too).  For some of you, this may be all you need, but we are going to be offering so much more!

You can learn more about The Dynamic Divorcee 30-Day Holiday Blues-Busting Challenge when we open enrollment on Black Friday, Nov. 28.

But, for now, we just want to say that it's a guided program with lots of support that includes a 40-page ebook program guide, five 20-minute audio guided lessons with fun exercises to help you open up to self-nurturing as well as learning to identify and reach out only to those who make you feel good.  And you'll learn to minimize the impact of those who don't!

The whole process is kept as simple (deceptively simple) as possible.  This is not psychoanalysis.  You will not be delving into painful memories.  You will not be reliving experiences that you would prefer to forget.

And, we keep adding fun extras to the program.  We've already mentioned the private Facebook support group, and I've just created a fun Pinterest board that all Challenge participants will be able to add pins to -- so that we can all share resources, and anything else that's fun, with each other.  Since it's a brand new board, there are only eight pins on it now, but I'll be adding to it until we all get there.

In the meantime, please get your 5 Surprising Blues Cures here.

Coming on Wednesday . . .
I'm going to share exactly how I turned the blues into a blueprint myself, and how that worked for me throughout the entire year.  Because of my Blueprint, I had the most wonderfully life-changing year ever, and I'm so much more on-track to the life of my dreams than ever before.

But more on that later . . .






Friday, November 21, 2014

5 Very Surprising Cures for the Holiday Blues


Maybe this doesn't look much like a
holiday-season image, but it's
how I felt the first Christmas season
after my divorce.
During my separation, divorce, and for years following the divorce, the holiday season was just an awful time for me.

The agony started right after Halloween, as Christmas decorations started to appear in stores, and Christmas music began to blast everywhere I went.

I truly came to understand the expression "gut-wrenching."  I felt physically ill, and had to resort to deep breathing and sunglasses to camouflage the tears.

I'd talk to myself, silently (and sometimes not so silently) in public.  I'd say to myself, "It's okay, it's okay,hang in there.  Breathe.  Thank god for sunglasses:  No one can see you crying.  Just hang in there a few more minutes.  You'll be back in the car soon and then you can let it all out . . . ."

Somehow, the season would have me rehashing all sorts of old memories:
What I should have done, how I should have known better, what I did right, what I couldn't possibly have known . . . on and on and on.

I'd reminisce about my lying, cheating ex.  But in my memories, I couldn't remember all those horrible things he'd done.  I remembered shopping for the Christmas tree together, putting up decorations, making our own mix CDs of Christmas songs.

And the holidays post-divorce back then?  Showing up to family celebrations alone.  Knowing that many in my family blamed me for divorcing him.  Knowing that my parents believed that no matter how badly I was treated, it was the woman's job to sacrifice herself and endure.  (Yes, even now that it's the 21st century.)  Somehow, it was never the man's fault.

And I wondered:  What were the odds I could ever be happy again?
What were the chances that I'd ever end up with someone better?  It was frightening just to think about it.  I couldn't imagine year after year of holiday seasons and special occasions pasting on a smile and feeling dead inside.

No one had an answer for me.  There was simply no cure.  Oh, yeah, the five stages of grief.  Talk therapy that just made everything worse.  Telling me that it was going to take a long time to feel better and that there were no short-cuts.  The whole thing felt like a death sentence.  A heart and soul death sentence.  Made me feel as though I wasn't anything anymore.  At least not anything or anyone I wanted to be.

When would this get better?  And how would I survive this miserable holiday season?  I wanted to go to sleep until it was over.

Of course, it did get better.  Some of you know about the system I developed to speed my own recovery because it was simply unacceptable to me that after my ex-husband had already taken 15 years of my precious life I was going to have to suffer for additional years to get over the shock of the divorce.

But what you don't know about, yet, is that I needed something special to get through the holidays.
I asked myself: "What would I have to create that could take the focus off the memories, the disappointment, the betrayal, and the shock, and turn this season into something completely new that could get me excited and pumped up again?"

So . . . last year, I created a home-study program called "5 Very Surprising Cures for the Holiday Blues: Turn the Blues into a Blueprint."  It's a way to minimize the parts of the holiday season that send you back to dark places where you don't want to be.  And it's a way to put yourself back in charge of how you spend the holidays.  That in itself is pretty great, because the program coaches you, step-by-step, in creating activities that will support you, and that you really love.

But, there's much more to the program than just that.  It also gives you the opportunity (if you choose), to use this end-of-year time to completely create your vision for 2015, exactly the way you want it to be.  You don't have to revisit the past.  Instead, the process is easy, exciting, and fun.  (And, because so many women have told me, this year, that they're hurting and can't afford anything for themselves, I'm offering the program for a tiny fraction of last year's price -- this year, the complete program is just $6.97.  However, you don't have to pay a cent in order to get a generous preview of the program for free.)

If you're someone who's dreading the month of December, why not make it a season of discovery and joy instead?
Get my top 5 strategies when you
click here.
I would love to offer you a generous free taste of the program, in the form of my Top 5 Strategies to Beat the Holiday Blues.  
Trust me, they're not the "stages of grief" or "take a  bubble bath" tips you'll hear elsewhere at this time of year.  To get them, just click here to allow me to send them to you.

I call them my five "blues cures," and you can find out just what I did to heal and use the holiday season as a time to plan the new year the way *I* wanted it to be.  And it works!

Plus, you'll have a happier holiday season planned with things *you* want to do, instead of feeling picked apart by everyone else in your life and what they want from you.

Please check out a generous sample of the program by allowing us to send it to you.  You'll get instant access to my Top 5 Very Surprising Cures for the Holiday Blues.

Friday, November 14, 2014

10 ways to rock a dreary Monday

This time of year, in the Northern Hemisphere, mornings are dark and dreary, and Mondays can be the biggest challenge. Especially when you're already feeling low energy and depleted from all the changes that divorce brings.

Here are my top ten strategies to make going back to work on Mondays a happier and more rewarding experience.

Get a head start that sets you up for the whole week:
1. Have a warm and nourishing crock pot meal ready to simmer for Monday night dinner, so it's effortless when you get home. Have everything in the crock pot, in the fridge on Sunday night, so all you have to do is take the pot out of the fridge, set it into the heating element, and turn it on.

2. Get your wardrobe in order for the entire week in advance. Pull out five outfits, with all lingerie and accessories already placed on the hanger for each day. You can use this process to weed out your closet, too. As you try on clothing items, if they're too worn, don't fit right, or don't make you feel good, put them right into the donation bag for the thrift store, not back in your closet. This process will take just one hour once a week, and you'll enjoy more variety in your workplace attire instead of relying on the same outfit or two over and over. When you look good, you feel good -- and you'll be more relaxed when you don't have to make a clothing decision each and every day.

3. Get all your weekday lunches sorted in advance, too.  If you make a crock pot dish over the weekend, you can put individual portions in the refrigerator or freezer for your lunches during the week. Make sure you have individual-size yogurts or other favorite healthy snack items so that you have your lunches preplanned.

4. Get to bed on time so that you have plenty of rest.  Start to wind down about an hour before bedtime. Turn off the television and step away from your computer and phone.  Try a little yoga for relaxation, 20 minutes with a good book full of self-nurturing thoughts, and a small glass of red wine or a nice warm cup of herbal tea. Just after you turn out the lights, prayerfully release all stresses and worries, knowing that getting a good night's sleep is the best thing you can do for your future.

Feeling good from the start:
5. Create a Monday morning wake-up ritual that you love. Set your phone alarm to wake you up to a favorite song, have a special treat ready for breakfast, have an inspiring audio book ready to play on your commute. The basic idea is to make morning as cozy and luxurious as possible. No chaos, no rushing, no tension.

6. Just before you start work, do a quick week-starting ritual that sets you up for the day. Here's a suggestion: Center yourself with a few slow, deep breaths, and write your personal intention for the day on a post-it note, keeping it where you can see it during your workday

7. Keep a few fun rewards in view as the day progresses: A delicious lunch that you're looking forward to eating, a mid-afternoon treat of some kind, and definitely something fun to look forward to after work.  More on this below, under "reward yourself for your magnificence."

8. How about a 10-minute late lunchtime nap at your desk while listening to soothing music or a motivational .mp3? Go to youtube.com and search for the emotion you want to feel, such as confidence, relaxation, or abundance.

9. Preschedule a mid-afternoon break that is truly a break.  Walk away from your desk.  Talk to someone you like.  Connect, even for just a few minutes, with an activity you love.  Make your break something that you really look forward to.  Can you work from a cafe for an hour in the afternoon?  Can you take a brisk walk for a few minutes outdoors?  A change of locale can really help.

Reward yourself for your magnificence:
10. Reward yourself with something special after Monday's workday is done:   Have a few videos queued up that you can't wait to watch (allow yourself to veg a little; it's Monday).  You've already arranged for dinner -- it's in the crock pot, so all you need is a bag of mixed greens and some salad dressing -- so there's no dinner to prepare.  Unsure how to reward yourself?  I'm always in favor of having a 25 Little Luxuries List handy, so you can always quickly choose a treat for yourself . . .

Steps to make this happen:
Before the weekend (total time is about 3 hours, and most of this research is reusable):
  • Come up with some yummy, quick recipes for lunches and Monday night dinner. Try epicurious.com or just search "quick lunches for work" and "crock pot meals" on Pinterest for lots of fun ideas. (Don't own a crock pot? You can buy one for less than $30.) 
  • Shop before the weekend (when the grocery is less-crowded) or have your groceries delivered
  • Make a playlist of music that inspires you. You can use this list to wake up to a different song every morning, and have some tracks to enjoy as you dance your way to getting ready for work. Everyone needs at least a few favorite songs on her phone! 
On Saturday or Sunday (total time is about 3 hours, and it gives you a much, much more relaxed week):
  • Arrange your outfits for the entire workweek (with all accessories on the hangers). Once you do this the first time, every week it will be easier (and it will make you feel so fresh and ready for anything). 
  • Cook a couple of dishes for weekday lunches, and pack individual portions in the fridge. 
  •  Have your crock pot meal ready to plug in on Monday morning. 
On Sunday night:
  • Shower and wash your hair to streamline preparations on Monday morning.  
  • You've already pre-planned so well that your Sunday night can be very relaxing, so savor the satisfaction of having a wonderful strategy for a painless (and, dare I say, fun) start to your workweek. 
Have your own tips to feel happy about Mondays?  Please share in the comments below!

Friday, November 7, 2014

25 little luxuries: why every divorcee needs this list

One of the things I often like to work on with my Dynamic Divorcee clients is getting them to remember the things they used to love and enjoy before marriage, and priming the pump so that a flow of desires can start to burst forth.

These desires are the things a happy life is made of.  Yet, it has been years (and sometimes decades) since many of my clients have dared to dream and desire.  Does that sound like you?

If so, I think you'll like today's challenge.  It's your 25 Little Luxuries List, and it's all about those little things in life that make it fun to wake up in the morning.

But, first, you have to get a handle on what constitutes a luxury, to you.

For some women, a pretty teacup would be a luxury to have and enjoy.  It would make them feel indulged every morning.  Other women would scratch their heads at this -- they already own several sets of beautiful bone china, and don't think twice about what conveys their cup of coffee to their lips.

For some, just an hour to themselves to sit still, look out a window, and daydream would be an amazing luxury that they hardly ever allow themselves.

For others, it would be a massage or a manicure:  a huge luxury in which they, perhaps, have never indulged.

How about permission to take 30 minutes to pop in a yoga DVD?  Luxury, or not?

Maybe a luxury for you would be taking a walk in an indoor conservatory and breathing in the lovely aroma of the plant life and humid air.  Maybe it would be giving yourself a few hours with friends when your life is perpetually busy with obligations to work and children.  Maybe you just want to go out to the movie you want to see rather than compromising on the film with a friend or your kids.  And you want to go out to the movies, rather than renting it online.

So, for this list, you're looking for those tiny, little luxuries that are just at the edges of your comfort zone, but that would not be so much of a leap that you feel guilty about daring to enjoy them.

Let's start nice and easy, and once you become accustomed to enjoying items from your list, you can push the envelope to include more daring luxury items.  (Won't that be fun!)

Let's do it!
Grab a piece of paper or get to your keyboard.  Set the timer on your phone to two minutes, and write without thinking or editing whatever little luxuries and desires come out of your fingers.  Some wild and crazy desires may come out -- write them down, too.  When your timer dings, you can either stop or continue, if you're on a roll.

Before bed today, you'll set your timer for two minutes again and continue.  You'll keep doing the process a few times, if necessary, until you have a list of at least 25 little luxuries that are within your budget and you can totally see yourself doing.

Before you put your list aside, make sure that you have at least 10 items on the list that can be done at home, without having to make any special arrangements or do any appointment-making or scheduling.  If you don't have at least ten stay-at-home items, set your timer again, and start adding some additional delicious-to-you items for your list.

So . . . what do you do with this list?  Start by giving yourself one of your items/activities every time you want to reward yourself.  Did you make yourself proud today by communicating with your ex without letting him push your buttons?  Reward yourself.  Having trouble pushing through to accomplish that irksome home project?  Motivate yourself with a reward when you finish.

A big, big part of feeling great again is reclaiming the beauty and magnificence of who you are, and you can't do that from a place of self-deprivation, where every day takes on a grey sameness.  Bring back the color.  Bring back the light.  Make your list!

I'd love to hear what's on your personal luxuries list.  Please share your top five and how the process works for you.